Remembering Who I Was

Making this blog active again and reopening my facebook page has been a real eye opener for me. For the first time in a very long time I actually feel like I belong somewhere again. I feel a great deal of pride in what this blog accomplished many years ago and as a stat whore my numbers astonish me that a humble little blog could have such a big number of views, visits and followers considering the subject matter. Writing about mental health has been a challenge at times when I could barely function yet its been a life saver and changer for me at times. Check out the photo below this little site is nearing ninety three thousand views!! 93,000 imagine that!

Having this site available to the world again gives an insight into my journey from depression heartbreak suicide attempts and recovery and back into heartbreak again. The majority of the posts here where written when I was suffering from depression and then once I felt that life had finally brought happiness again I walked away from a world where I was well known, respected and someone who was available for others at their lowest points. In 2013 I was on the end of the phone to 7 people as they were at the point of ending things and I talked them around – more than anything this is something Im extremely proud of. I made a difference to people.

I’ve spoken about mental health from my experiences and many other personal aspects of my life and the feeling of goodwill I have received has really boosted my self esteem in the last few days. I forgot I was good at writing, I forgot I could be interesting to other people.

I need to look after my own health both physical and mental. As far as depression goes right now I would be honest enough to admit I’m struggling. I’ve been a lot worse and I have no real fears mentally.

I feel happier than I have in a while. I’m busy reconnecting with old friends healing wounds building bridges and finally remembering that in actual fact I’m not that bad. I’m flawed in many ways but I’m a good person if allowed to be me. maybe that was part of the problem, I was too busy being stifled to be the man who helped countless others..

so today I can go to sleep feeling proud of myself once more and feeling like I have finally found my place again

 

Advertisements

Death of The Depressed Moose

I gave it everything,

I fought my best,

Now I close my eyes

For the eternal rest.

 

No sad songs, no mourners,

Nothing good to remember,

No graveside to visit

From January to December.

 

As my body slowly hits the floor,

Know that I really couldn’t have given more.

And when they find me alone in my peaceful final sleep,

Let the angels take me away and my soul they keep.

 

As the curtain closes and Abide With Me plays

Remember the laughter and carefree days.

Drinking, dancing out having fun,

Raise a Jack Daniels for me, have more than one.

 

Scatter my ashes, let the wind take me away,

On an everlasting journey when I can always stay.

Do not look back and think of what went wrong

Garry is still here but the depressed moose has gone.

 

No grieving, no mourning, no feelings of regret

Life as moose was really as good as it could get.

No flowers, no crying I don’t want your tears

Let me go alone on this journey without holding on to your fears.

 

No more pain and hurt, no more suffering

No more dreaming of what might have been.

The moose has left the building to a final high five

Dont worry about Garry he is well and alive!

 

Laughing and joking, a smile back on his face

Enjoying life, getting out all over the place.

The new chapter beginning, the start of a new race.

Garry taking on the world – WATCH THIS SPACE!