Breakeven (Falling to pieces) – The Script

One song more than any other perfectly sums up how I feel lately..

 

“Breakeven”

I’m still alive but I’m barely breathing
Just prayin’ to a God that I don’t believe in
‘Cause I got time while she got freedom
‘Cause when a heart breaks, no, it don’t break even

Her best days will be some of my worst
She finally met a man that’s gonna put her first
While I’m wide awake she’s no trouble sleeping
‘Cause when a heart breaks no it don’t break even… even… no

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?
And what am I supposed to say when I’m all choked up and you’re OK?
I’m falling to pieces, yeah,
I’m falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
‘Cause she’s moved on while I’m still grieving
And when a heart breaks no it don’t break even, even… no

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you?
And what am I supposed to say when I’m all choked up and you’re OK?
I’m falling to pieces, yeah,
I’m falling to pieces, yeah,
I’m falling to pieces
(One still in love while the other one’s leaving)
I’m falling to pieces
(‘Cause when a heart breaks no it don’t break even)

Oh, you got his heart and my heart and none of the pain
You took your suitcase, I took the blame.
Now I’m tryna make sense of what little remains, ooh
‘Cause you left me with no love and honour to my name.

I’m still alive but I’m barely breathing
Just prayin’ to a God that I don’t believe in
‘Cause I got time while she got freedom
‘Cause when a heart breaks, no, it don’t break…
No, it don’t break
No, it don’t break even, no

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you?
And what am I supposed to say when I’m all choked up and you’re OK?
(Oh glad you’re okay now)
I’m falling to pieces, yeah
I’m falling to pieces, yeah
(Oh I’m falling, falling)
I’m falling to pieces,
(One still in love while the other one’s leaving)
I’m falling to pieces
(‘Cause when a heart breaks, no, it don’t break even)

Oh, it don’t break even no
Oh, it don’t break even no
Oh, it don’t break even no

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The Storm Is Over

The storm is lifting, the sun is breaking through the clouds again after a rough period

and more importantly the meds seem to be working again 😀

And then I heard this song today… And who doesn’t appreciate a good ole session of sing-a-long-with-moose

Ps Ant you have been immense the past few nights, considering how shit you have been feeling yourself I really appreciate it

 

 

 

I was in a tunnel

And couldn’t see the light
And whenever I’d look up
I couldn’t see the sky
Sometimes when I’m standin’
It seems like I done walked for miles
And my heart could be cryin’
Dead in the middle of a smile

But then I climbed the hills
And saw the mountains
I hollered help ’cause I was lost
Then I felt the strong wind
Heard a small voice sayin’

The storm is over
The storm is over now
And I can see the sunshine
Somewhere beyond the clouds
I feel Heaven, yeah
Heaven is over me
Come on and set me free

Now in the midst of my battle
All hope was gone
Downtown in a rushed crowd
And felt all alone
Every now and then
I felt like I would lose my mind
I’ve been racin’ for years
And still no finish line, oh

But then I climbed the hills
And saw the mountains
I hollered help ’cause I was lost
Then I felt the strong wind
And then a small voice sayin’

The storm is over
The storm is over now
And I can see the sunshine
Somewhere beyond the clouds
I can feel Heaven, yeah
Heaven is over me
Come on and set me free

Somehow my beginnin’ stepped right in
Then faith became my friend
And now I can depend
On the voices of the wind
When it’s sayin’

The storm is over
The storm is over now
And I can see the sunshine
Somewhere beyond the clouds
I can feel Heaven, yeah
Heaven is over me
Won’t you come and set me free?
Won’t you set me free?

The storm is over
The storm is over now
And I can see the sunshine
Somewhere beyond the clouds
I can feel Heaven, yeah
Heaven is over me
Won’t you come and set me free?

Won’t you come and set me free
Just like, if that guy can see the light, shinin’
Somewhere beyond the clouds
If that guy can see the light, shinin’
Take it down, down
If that guy can see the light, shinin’
The day is going, world is runnin’
The clouds moving, the sun shinin’
I made it home, I made it home
Prayin’ for a pot of gold

The storm is over now
I’am telling you I could see the light
Somewhere beyond the clouds
I can feel Heaven over me
Heaven is over me
Come and set me free
Come and set me free
Won’t you come and set me free?

Read more: R. Kelly – The Storm Is Over Now Lyrics | MetroLyrics

Finding Me(mo)

I cant explain why but something  just clicked within the last 24 hours within myself.

The old Garry has come out of hiding and kicked the other one into touch. I feel so good today yet seeing as I was told my marriage is over yesterday it makes absolutely no sense why suddenly now he has returned.

Not that I am complaining…

Was it the shock of being told that the love of my life and best friend didn’t want me anymore? I really couldn’t tell you.

Don’t get me wrong I am heartbroken and hurting over what has happened, but I understand her reasons for needing to make a break,if only I had worded things better and explained things better if may be different but hindsight is a wonderful tool and I am a firm believer in things happening for a reason.

The depression took a hold of me to the point where I didn’t even know which Garry would wake up in the mornings so how could someone else? Fighting to keep going can only drain you over time and I bare no ill will or malice towards Sheryl, a beautiful woman with a wonderful heart who has had lots to deal with over the years and not complained once!

We were friends long before we became involved and long may our friendship continue….. of course the door will never close should she want to talk once the hurting phase is over.

And so back to the old me!

I have felt a renewed confidence in myself, can feel the self esteem rising and best of all I am starting to like the person looking back at me in the mirror!

The lip ring that I was hiding behind has been removed, this of course makes me more kissable – but more importantly it means I can smile properly again!

going going

taken the lip ring out

gone!

eyes twinkle and smile returns!

watch out world because if the old me is back then there will be trouble! you thought I was a pain in the arse before? ha ha you aint seen nothing yet!

confidence, sparkling eyes and the gift of the gab!

The person you fell out of love with is back the one you enjoyed being around and no fucking way am I letting him hide anymore!

The future may start looking brighter once again because I am in control of my destiny!

Juliana told me about a wonderful song today and as you all know (or if you are new to my blog will learn soon enough) I am a sucker for lyrics which feel like they were written with me in mind!

Moose listening to country music! next thing you know I will be wearing a stetson and spitting tobacco…

here are the lyrics which spoke to me, and I feel like the perfect way to describe the way I am feeling today

I ain’t no angel
I still got a few more dances with the devil
I’m cleanin up my act, little by little
I’m getting there
I can finally stand the man in the mirror I see
I ain’t as good as I’m gonna get
But I’m better than I used to be

I can finally stand the man in the mirror I see
I ain’t as good as I’m gonna get
But I’m better than I used to be

its taken me years to reach this point… if only it was a few months ago…..

I have loved, been loved and lost love but I am still here ready for whatever life will throw at me next!

Bullied….By Myself

I am a victim of bullying.

As a kid I was bullied for wearing glasses, I was bullied for being good at football, i was bullied for having a twitch with my nose that made me look like a bunny rabbit! I was bullied for being mouthy as well. I was one of those kids who could never keep his mouth shut and got a few well deserved good hidings as a result of my big mouth.

Only these things were, to me, a part of growing up and did not really impact on my life as a kid/teenager. Those days I could counter any abuse with my own vicious tongue and gave as good as I got more often than not!

But now I am bullied and tormented daily.

Everyday I am told how useless I am, that I am a failure, a waste of space, a shit father and husband and how my blog and books are awful etc.

The difference now is that the person bullying me is myself!

So the question is how do you deal with the self esteem issues that eat away at you?

There has always been 2 Garry’s. There was the one who wore glasses and there was the one who wore contact lenses.

The difference between the 2 of them was one had confidence and the other did not.

One was capable of talking to and approaching women in night clubs etc and did not give a shit about rejection etc. The other would sit in the corner.

One would dance the night away not caring what anyone thought of his “unique” moves. The other wouldn’t even be in a club to begin with.

So when did the change from being confident person (albeit a front) to this person know who I barely recognise?

I know which person I prefer being!

People who have met me in real life recently will be surprised to know about my self esteem issues as I think I carry myself off as a confident, self assured person. To an extent I am, especially when surrounded by other people.

I am surprised myself that I suffer from low self esteem! it really does make me laugh because I know it is not the real me! but then when was the last time I was the real Garry?

With this in mind I am going to try a different approach for the next month and focus on everything positive that I do or have done! A post explaining more will follow shortly!

Anyways I heard this song written by Jessie J about bullying and I wanted to share it with you. I am playing this as my confident self to the Garry who bullies me because as of this moment I am putting a stop to it and standing up for myself!

One of those songs where lyrics jump out at you and inspire you!

 

Oh, so you think you know me now
Have you forgotten how
You would make me feel
When you dragged my spirit down?
But thank you for the pain
It made me raise my game
And I’m still rising, I’m still rising

Yeah Yeah

So make your jokes
Go for broke
Blow your smoke
You’re not alone
But who’s laughing now
But who’s laughing now
So raise the bar
Hit me hard
Play your cards
Be a star
But who’s laughing now
But who’s laughing now

This Moose’s Work…

Ok  The song is actually called This Woman’s Work but I am allowed some poetic licence aren’t I?

I love Maxwell and his music, hell I seduced many a woman back in the day with Urban Hang Suite playing in the background. If you love soul music seriously go and hunt Maxwell down on Spotify and have a listen, the guys voice is just incredible. This is his version of the song originally done by Kate Bush who I cannot stand as she looks like an old Maths teacher we had in school.

I love how the lyrics from songs can just hit you!

 

“This Woman’s Work”

Pray God you can cope
I’ll stand outside
This woman’s work
This woman’s world
Oh it’s hard on the man
Now his part is over
Now starts the craft of the Father

I know you’ve got a little life in you yet
I know you’ve got a lot of strength left
I know you’ve got a little life in you yet
I know you’ve got a lot of strength left

I should be crying but I just can’t let it show
I should be hoping but I can’t stop thinking
All the things we should’ve said that I never said
All the things we should’ve done but we never did
All the things we should’ve given but I didn’t

Oh, darling, make it go, make it go away

Give me these moments
Give them back to me
Give me your little kiss

Give me your…
I know you have a little life in you yet
Give me your hand, babe
I know you have a lot of strength left
Give me your pretty hand
I know you have a little life in you yet
Oh oh oh
I know you have a lot of strength left

My love child
I know you have a little life in you yet
Whatever you need me
I know you have a lot of strength left
Give me your hand
I know you have a little life in you yet
Give me your hand
I know you have a lot of strength left

I should be crying but I just can’t let it show, baby
I should be hopin’ but I can’t stop thinkin’
Of all the things we should’ve said that we never said
All the things we should’ve done that we never did
All the things that you wanted from me
All the things that you needed from me
All the things I should’ve given but I didn’t

Oh, darling, make it go away, just make it go away