Happy Moose Happy Garry

Recovery from a break up is hard going and emotionally draining. It requires a painful mixture of self reflection, acceptance, acknowledgement and letting go of love and dreams. There is no time line when it comes to healing and certainly no handbook on dealing with the issues and potential baggage that can follow you around afterwards.

If you have a scab and keep picking at it the wound remains open and takes longer to heal each time. I guess I’ve been a scab picker for months almost letting it heal then reopening the wound. Its almost sado masochistic in the sense that I was encouraging myself to feel pain.

Eventually I found myself enjoying the pain less and less finding the whole scab picking tedious and detrimental to my life and as im a cold hearted bastard I knew I’d reach a point of shutting down and switching off my feelings.

Im often told im a negative person “glass half empty” kind of person and by nature have a miserable looking face, I dispute that last one to be honest its not a miserable face its the weight of my chins pulling my smile down into a frown….but thats a different story

I made a conscious effort to be positive and happy. To stop putting myself in a position of vulnerability and hurt and take back whats mine. My self respect, my dignity and my life.

I feel like a new me, a happier me again. Like the Garry of old before I was worn down and stopped looking after myself.

I am a good person, I have a great sense of humour a warm personality and many other good qualities. Sure I fuck up at all times but show me a human who doesn’t get it wrong and I’ll show you a liar.

I’m ready to start living in the now and not the past, make plans with friends meet someone new eventually and never look back again. No baggage, no hang ups and no letting my limitations and expectations being dropped.

Im happy again and no matter what gets thrown my way I’m gonna keep smiling.

I want to live again and try new things. Its 20 years this year since I went abroad for a holiday! Now is a good opportunity as its also my 40th birthday this year. Could i really just book myself a trip somewhere and spend my 40th on my own in a foreign place? Or who knows by then (November 29th get the date in your diary for cards and presents) I could have met someone and be starting my 40s with someone special. You just dont know whats around the corner do you but I’m ready to experience a happier life again.

My Facebook page, which can be found here is becoming more popular and I’m enjoying the contributions from people and reacquainting myself with some old friends.

I’m also attending an acting class on Fridays now as a new outlet which so far is great, despite working too much lately there are lots of potentially new exciting opportunities on the horizon. Working on a new book, possibly writing plays, even acting who knows. I’m meeting new people, spending time with friends and generally being me again. If I can make you laugh when you’re at my counter at work, or in my company then I’m happy.

After all I’m a funny guy! Gratuitous Goodfellas scene opportunity! contains strong language but a classic…

Outlet, Outlet, Outlet. Cannot emphasis enough how important is it to have one. Obviously what works for me might not be what works for you but unless you try something different you just do not know what will be your thing. Trial and error is key. Getting something wrong is not failing, its trying to improve yourself and that’s never a bad thing.

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Why it’s OK to have bad days

I am happily in the midst of a good spell when things are looking good for me. The two week slump has gone and I am now enjoying three good days in a row.

In the heat of the bad spells though things can, and do get on top of you if you are not careful. The thing is though is that having a bad day or days is normal when it comes to having an illness and it is perfectly fine to suffer them.

It is how we deal with these days that make all the difference.

Look at the example of someone with a broken leg, on some days they will be in less pain than on others and that is how depression works as well.

Unfortunately because depression is an invisible illness we can be sucked in by the good days and  feel like we are back on track, it is then that the bad times can follow and often with vengeance. I know from my experience that when I go through spells of feeling like my old self that I end up taking too much on and get complacent. Suddenly I am brought back down to earth with an almighty bump and doom and gloom surrounds me. This is why I tend to post more on my bad days because I need to get it out in the open and off my chest, it makes a massive difference to me once I have clicked the publish button.

I learn more about myself and my depression on the bad days because I can find out about the things that trigger my drop in mood.

What people fail to understand is that it is not as simple as “be positive” when your depressed.

Trying to stay positive is difficult when depression is screaming at you that you’re a failure. It is hard work fighting against the tide of negativity that surrounds you which is why I tend to sleep a lot during the day when depression is winning.

The important thing to remember is that tomorrow is a new day and with it could come the blue skies instead of black clouds so just getting through each bad day is a show of strength from you that should never be underestimated.

It is all to easy to be caught up in the “bad day” emotions of negative thinking and despair but each day you get over is an achievement.

The other bonus of  getting through these days is that when the good times come you can appreciate them more, get more things done or actually be a nicer person to be around 😀 well in my case anyway

So if you’re having a bad day try to remember that a day is only 24 hours long and when that day is over it could be the start of a good spell.

Having bad days is normal when you have depression don’t beat yourself up for having them just wait for the next day and be ready to deal with whatever tomorrow throws at you.