Reflecting, Recovery and Reasons to be positive

I haven’t written for weeks now. Not for any particular reason, I have been busy working six days a week but my time away from blogging hasn’t been wasted. I have had a clear head for a long time and it has given me time to reflect on lots of things and work on a few issues that needed attention.

I guess by nature i am not a glass half full person. My glass is more of the smashed into a million pieces than half empty kind and I have been working very hard on focusing on the many things in my life I am thankful for. Trying to be positive when nothing positive happens can be hard yet there are so many positives I was just looking in the wrong places.

I have some wonderful friends who are always there for me if I reach out to them. Some reach out to me if im quiet for a bit just to make sure im alright and I appreciate the effort so much.

I can be guilty of neglecting my friends needs and im working on reconnecting with people and rebuilding relationships with those I feel I have let down over a period of time.

I am trying to be more aware of my faults and feel like I have made massive strides forward in how I view and treat myself in the past few weeks. The smile on my face these days is real though I have come through the worst part of my life and can really see that the corner has been turned.

People will like me and people will hate me and whatever they decide its not going to impact on me anymore. I am a good person and I would be a liar if I said I dont fuck up at times. I am impulsive and have a nasty vicious tongue and instead of taking a deep breath im a 2 minute volcano – this is the area Im working on the most.

I’m in a good place and my recovery has moved on a lot once I cleared my head of negativity. I can live in the past and be unhappy or I can live my life today and see where it takes me. The options are that simple and Im choosing to live it now.

I have seen the confidence returning, the smile natural not forced and I genuinely feel like I am on the verge of something big happening.

Learning to appreciate the great things in your life is a great tool because it shows you’re focusing on the right things.

I am enjoying having people encourage me to write because they enjoy reading my work. I am happy when I feel like I make a difference, and my mood has been very different in the past month.

Garry or moose its great being me again and looking forward to each day. Im tired working so much but Im trying different ways to channel my energy and release negativity and so far its working. I cannot stress enough the importance of an outlet when it comes to good mental health and whilst I may not yet be where I want, I am closer than I was yesterday.

And as for one person in particular…Im ready to take that glint in the eyes and smile on your face when you see me and roll with it.

Advertisements

Thankful for…..Friends

I have some wonderful friends, most of them I did not know before I started this blog.

Before the blog became my focus I was part of a wonderful community built around Mafia Wars on Facebook and have stayed in contact with plenty of people from the group that I created. I consider some of these people family now, not just friends. Although some of us don’t stay in regular contact they are people I know are there for me when I need them, people like Gary, Cindy, Juliana and the never forgotten Teresa have played a big part in my life over the past few years.

As for the “newbies” Gail, Mary, Antonella, Liz and Maria in particular are people I know I can tell anything to, without them judging me and they know me better than anyone else, by me I mean the real Garry.

Gail AKA Weegee was the first person to like, comment and follow my blog and can see through me in an almost scary way. A real diamond in the rough who gives advice, telling offs and encouragement in times of need.

Antonella is one of the most amazing people I have ever met, she is warm, funny, caring and more than a little crazy. She is also very very attractive but alas allergic to moose meat – a great friend though, we have the same awesome personalities because we were both born on the 29th November.

Mary is like an older sister, quick to tell me off and point out the error of my ways but done with good intentions and done with care.

Liz was one of the first people I ever spoke to about depression when I came across the elephant in the room community and I have spent many hours in her wonderful company over the last 18 months. As crazy cat ladies go she is one of the best.

And there are friends that I have known all my life. Amy and Linda were a big part of my childhood, and happy times were spent around them when I was still waiting for my antlers to grow.

Paul and Karl are people I went to school with and hadn’t spoken to since 1995 but we have reconnected via Facebook in the last year and I am glad we have, both are great guys and I am pleased to call them friends.

Sarah is Brandon’s mum and a great friend, I can talk to her about anything and she will always offer advice and tell me what I did wrong 😀

And this is just the tip of a big iceberg. I have a lot more friends than I realise. More than at any point of my adult life and although most of them are technically “online friends” that doesn’t mean that I value their friendship any less. Without the online friends my life would be a lonely place but they rally around me when I need a friendly ear or a kick up the arse!

now I am gonna go old old skool on you in tribute to my friends

 

 

Thankful for…My Kids

When I feel down, worthless and generally shitty I like to try and focus on the things I am thankful for..

A good friend, Kay, emailed me this week about November being thanksgiving month in America and with that in mind for the rest of the month I intend to post daily about the things I have that I am thankful for..

Starting with the most important

Brandon and Elizabeth

I am blessed to have two wonderful children, both so much fun, loving and annoying in equal measure BUT my reason for fighting and recovery.

Brandon and Moose

Brandon and Moose

Lilybet and Moose

Lilybet and Moose

To my beautiful kids, Daddy loves you both very much!

Thank you for being my inspiration